One of the hardest parts of a breakup is actually getting over the breakup. I think there are many reasons for this other than the actual heartbreak. There are voids left. When dating someone seriously, the person becomes a part of your everyday life in some form or another. The level of seriousness obviously directly correlates to the level of loss. Only God can mend a broken heart, but I do believe we have to do our part. We cannot wallow in despair. We must stand up and dust ourselves off. If we do our part, God will most surely do His. So, I wanted to share some "fixes" that I have found to speed up the process of healing.
- Above all, pray. Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Ask Him to mend your heart and to reveal His plan for your life. Also, ask Him for wisdom so as not to make the same mistakes going forward.
- Allow yourself time to grieve. Then, shake off those grave clothes!
- Avoid alcohol during this time AT ALL COST! It may sound like exactly what you need, but it will not make you forget him. You will make foolish decisions that you have to deal with the next day while enduring the awful hangover you will likely incur. You will not forget, you will only regret.
- Confide in a close friend. Do not try to work through this by yourself. Be selective. Choose wise counsel.
- I would encourage you to limit this "counsel" to one maybe two close friends. Do not tell everyone you come in contact with as that is just another opportunity to relive the whole thing, again.
- Confiding in your Pastor is also a good idea. You can decide how much or how little to tell, but none-the-less you will know you have prayers going up on your behalf and you are sure to gain some Godly insight into the matter.
- Proverbs 19:20 " Take good counsel and accept correction— that's the way to live wisely and well. "
- Take charge of that cell phone.
- Change your ring tones on your cell. It might seem silly, but if you look forward to a particular sound that alerts you of his call or text, not hearing it can be excruciating. I am reminded of the trite phrase...the silence is deafening.
- Block his number. Then, you will not know of a certainty that he did not call or did not text.
- DELETE his number. Late nights, lonely days, reminders and memories will make it very difficult to resist the temptation to call.
- Just say NO to Facebook.
- Trust me. Facebook can be the twisting knife in the gut. You do not need to read his posts. It will only crush you that he has moved on and is living happily ever after without you, or worse, with someone else.
- Unfriend him. Block him. Then, perhaps, you will not be tempted to send him messages and you will not have to see his posts if you have mutual friends.
- Do not watch the same movies, television shows, or listen to music you may have shared. Change it up for a bit. It doesn't have to be forever, just until you are stronger and can make different memories
- Do a self-analysis.
- Did I ask God's opinion first?
- If not, ask forgiveness and mercy and move on. The boy wasn't for you, anyway.
- If so, ask what am I to take from this experience? What is the lesson to be learned in all of this? Or perhaps a connection or contact was made that will be evident down the road. "All things work together for good." Romans 8:28
- Do I keep reliving the same scenarios?
- Is it me or is it the type of men I choose to invest my time in?
- Have I been honest with myself about what I am truly looking for?
- Do something for yourself. Just for YOU!
- A new hairstyle, perhaps. One that you like, not one that he would pick.
- Manicure/pedicures are awesome. A very good way to relax and think about nothing!
- Get outside.
- Do not hermit. Time alone will quite likely be necessary in the early, grieving stages. Just don't spend too much time alone.
- Even if you aren't ready to "face the world" yet, open the blinds. Sit on your porch or take a long walk in your neighborhood.
- Make yourself get out of bed, get dressed, and go somewhere even if it is only to a drive thru.
- Everyday expand your boundaries. You will be back to your old self in no time.
- Surround yourself with family, friends, church members. You will find great comfort in people and you just might find some laughter down deep. It is, after all, the best medicine.
- Move on!
- Do not let sorrow take you backwards. Even if it causes you to stumble, pray that God will cause you to stumble forward. Look straight ahead. Don't look back.
- Starting a brand new relationship is not the best idea because rebounding is not good for either person involved, but taking it slow and spending time with someone who makes you smile can be a very nice distraction.
- How does God see you? Begin to focus on the opinion of the ONLY One who matters. His love for you is true and man's love cannot begin to match it. God is faithful, trustworthy. The Bible tells us if we trust in Him, we will NOT be disappointed or put to shame. Remind yourself daily of His love, a perfect love, a love worth dying for.
- You are the child of a King, The King of Kings.
- His thoughts toward you are precious and outnumber the grains of sand. (Psalm 139:17-18)
- You are His delight. (Psalm 149:4)
- You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
- He can make even your enemies be at peace with you. (Proverbs 16:7)
- He is able to keep you from falling or stumbling in order to present you as blameless before the Father. (Jude 1:24)
- He is well able to complete that which He began in you. (Philippians 1:6)
- Oh, how He loves you. (Psalm 31:7)
- Get your mind off of SELF. Now, it is time to move forward. You are strong enough!
- Find someone else to console.
- In your prayer time, no longer focus on your problems. Make your requests known to Him, but pray for others. Pray for the one that hurt you or for the one you may have hurt.
- Visit someone who is ill or having a hard time.
- Do something nice for those who supported you during your grieving process.
- Do random acts of kindness.
- Romans 15:1-2 (The Message) "Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, 'How can I help?'"
My prayer for you is found in Romans 15:13 which reads, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Amen.
