Do Your Homework

When looking for employment, it is always a good idea to research the company ahead of time.  I will often times find their web page or their ad in the telephone book (old school) to find out as much as I can so that I will know which of my qualifications might be the best selling point at the interview.  Other things I like to know beforehand include the tenure of the staff, the dress code, and the success or failures of the company. 

When considering a new relationship, there should also be a screening process.  Some of these topics may seem comical, but trust me when I tell you, they are very valid points.  You would be surprised at how something so obvious can actually be obscure if you are not alert and on guard.  This is what I call "smoke and mirrors."  The enemy is a master of illusion.  Psalm 7:14 reads, "He who is pregnant with evil and conceives trouble gives birth to disillusionment."

Marital Status

You are probably thinking Well that's a given!  You'd think so.  CONFIRM the person you are interested in is actually single, unattached, truly single.  If there are "complications" or "keeping up appearances" or "keeping it quiet for your protection" speeches, RUN, RUN, RUN!  If you have to hide it, there is something wrong. 

Now, I will say this.  I have two small children.  They will not likely meet every person I decide to spend time with.  That is for their protection and for mine.  If a relationship moves to a more serious level, then kids, family, close friends, etc. can be introduced.  I also do not believe you have to tell everyone everything, but the point I am making is this.  If you have to meet secretly, always during the week, always after dark, can't ever be seen together in public--that is hiding, that is wrong.  Flee the scene.

Judge the Fruit

Matthew 7:16-18, 20 "You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act...A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit.  A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions." 

I have dated Christians and I have dated sinners.  It can be very enlightening and disheartening when you discover the person sitting next to you every Sunday, often times operating in various ministries, can have the very same or worse behavior as those who do not attend church and do not have a relationship with the Lord.  Now, I want to be very cautious here.  The Bible tells us "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God."  (Romans 3:23)  There are no perfect people regardless of their position in the church or how much they are involved, or even if they perform countless "good works."  However, we are all striving for that perfection or at least we should be striving for that perfection.  When we are connected to The Vine, we should be producing good fruit and that fruit should be evident in every area of our lives. 

Consider this:  Even under pressure, the first reaction should not be profanity.  Is there always an excuse to miss church or church hop?  During stressful times, where is salvation found--the bar or the altar?  When spending time with this person, do you feel closer to the Lord or do you find yourself falling away, compromising your beliefs?  Do you find you are constantly defending others who you know are in right standing?  Or do you find yourself fault-finding?

Any kind of relationship should be balanced.  Surround yourself with those who bring you up not those who pull you down to their level.  Because, ultimately, you will not pull them up.  The process can be so slow and undetectable until one day you find yourself at the bottom of the slippery slope.  You have been snatched from The Vine and your leaves are withered and you are among the rotten fruit lying at the bottom of the tree. 

I would also caution.  Just because the tree has pretty leaves, does not mean the tree is fruit-bearing.  Remember the fig tree rebuked by Jesus because it bore no fruit?  (Matthew 21:19)  Upon His rebuke, the tree withered and would never bear fruit again.  No thank you!  I do not want to be a withered tree and I surely do not want to date one.

Guard Your Heart

Proverbs 4:23 "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." 

Oh, the heartbreak I could have avoided if only I had held this verse close to my heart.  The heart is the most vital organ in your body.  Without it, there is no life.  If you have ever experienced true heartbreak, you know it absolutely feels like there is no life. 

Let's consider the heart in the physical state.  According to WebMD, "Heart failure does not mean the heart has stopped working. Rather, it means that the heart's pumping power is weaker than normal. With heart failure, blood moves through the heart and body at a slower rate, and pressure in the heart increases. As a result, the heart cannot pump enough oxygen and nutrients to meet the body's needs. The chambers of the heart respond by stretching to hold more blood to pump through the body. This helps to keep the blood moving, but in time, the heart muscle walls weaken and are unable to pump as strongly."  The article goes on to explain the body compensates by pumping blood to the more vital organs eliminating flow to the extremities, kidneys, etc.  So, the body starts shutting down. 

In the emotional state, you can find similarities.  A person can only withstand so much abuse where the heart is concerned.  For a long time, I was dead.  There was no life blood pumping and I was completely numb.  That is not a good place to be when you have two babies in diapers.  I was so careless with my heart.  I handed it to anyone who would take it.  They were more careless with it than I was.  The result was a barely pumping heart, torn, tattered, scarred.  I walked down roads I would have never had to travel.  I experienced hurts, disappointments, emotional and mental abuse that I would have never had to endure.  Yes, healing can and does take place when you give your heart to God.  You can overcome and be healed completely.  But, oh if you can hear me...don't ever take your heart out of His hands until He sends you the person that can be trusted with it. 

And again, I say, guard your heart for it truly does determine your path.